Tires can be expensive

But relatively easy to destroy. Any simple pointed object can be used to pop a tire, hell, I picked up a key while driving once. So lets get started. Grab something like a nail, a razor blade or even a sharpened piece of metal. Make sure its something that cant be traced back to you. Place it as close to the bottom of the tire as possible. Wedge it in between the ground and the tire and walk away. Its that simple but it can cost your boss some money to fix.

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The Art of Napping at Work

Your either guilty of it, you've thought about it, or you're just plain full of shit. Whatever the case may be there certainly is an art to it. With inventions like the Ostrich Pillow or Eye Stickers as proof that theres a need for napping at work. Plus, as a professional slacker I speak from experience when I say napping on the job is some of the most satisfying sleep you could ever get.

I work for a rather large manufacturing company on the evening shift. Seeing as the majority of the company works the day shift, this leaves many options for nap spots. The offices on the floors above me offer many good hiding places. Desks can offer shelter and ergonomic support. A good clean spot on the floor is also acceptable. On a good summer night I've even been known to sneak out to the parking lot and lay down in the bed of my pickup. Hell, my boss is short and theres no way he could find me there.

The tricky part of napping at work is not getting caught. I've seen many strategies to avoid being found out, ranging from super creative to straight up lies. I prefer the latter, I've found a certain peasure in telling lies to my boss.

When asked about my wereabouts recently, I was caught offguard for a second but went on the defensive right afterward. Girls have the amazing excuse that gives so many guys the shivers. The period. Not blessed with those I went to an ever trusty excuse. Diarrhea. Its gross but it gets the job done, the boss wont ask many questions afterward. If he does, go on the offensive. Get frustrated and pretend to be embarassed, its quite funny.

An older guy I work with likes to nap on the job, but he does his napping right out in the open. If caught his go to excuse is "praying" and more often than not it works. This option does not work for me as I am openly against religion and the boss knows it. Which has led to me failing with that excuse several times.

 Just remember the more rules you break the greater your chances are of being caught. A certain lack of morals really helps in these situations. After some practice stretching the truth you'll certainly be ready for a nap on the job. Unless your a busdriver or a boat captain or something that requires constant awareness, in which case you should get back to work.

Are you a prime example of a "Bad Employee"?

I know I am, and I take a certain pride in just how bad of an employee I try to be. This blog is a new product from Lazer Mountain and it will be used to compile our antics at work. Feel free to share your experiences in being a bad employee or dealing with a bad employee.

send your criticism and bad employee stories or tips to
patatethepaste@hotmail.com

Let the grand experiment begin.......after my mid-shift nap....